Unfortunately, this sense of “rightness” often blinds good-hearted Christians from seeing just how their own behavior contributes to the ongoing cycle of conflict.Any time you try to change a difficult ex-spouse—even if for understandable moral reasons—you inadvertently invite hostility or a lack of cooperation in return.Face-to-face interaction has the most potential for conflict. Manipulate the manipulator: What do narcissists want more than anything?There are some great online dating sites around these days.You can’t control your ex’s love life, but you can control your response.The following tips and tricks will help you deal with this difficult news—and move on.
But how do you handle this new relationship with your ex-husband without slipping back into the same old habits of interacting with each other?
Let me give you examples: You and your ex have children together; therefore you must be in contact with one another on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, your discussions with him always end in an argument. The deep resentments and hurts suffered in your marriage and actual divorce remain intact. If this is the case for you, know that you have not divorced on an emotional level. Somewhere inside of you there is still an attachment of some sort to either your marriage or your ex.
It is helpful if the stepmother will communicate the following either by phone or email: “I just want you to know that I value your role with your children and I will never try to replace you. I will support your decisions with the children, have them to your house on time, and never talk badly about you to the children.
You have my word on that.” This helps to alleviate the need of the biological mother to bad-mouth the stepparent or the new marriage in order to keep her children’s loyalties. Keep your “business meetings” impersonal to avoid excessive conflict. Before making a phone call, take the time to write out your thoughts including what you’ll say and not say.