I went on to date a number of trans guys, and in my mind, “bi” was also indicative of a gender binary I didn’t believe existed.I’ve since come to understand that actually, the “bi” implies attraction not to two genders, but to members of both one’s own and other genders, and that the bisexual umbrella includes a wide rainbow of labels connoting sexual fluidity. Given all that struggle and growth, my current situation might come as a surprise: I’m in a committed, long-term relationship with a cisgender man who identifies as straight—just like a startling majority of other bisexual women.He was a true "50-50" bi guy, a lover of men and women, not an “attention-seeker” or a "halfway-there gay man" or any of the ridiculous and offensive claims people make about bisexuals. This led to his heartache, since he was trying to date me, a gay guy who was not monogamously inclined (and still isn’t), a guy who was too immature to say, “Hey, I’m not really looking for a relationship.” This seems basic, but it's unfortunately still necessary to note in an ongoing effort to counteract this bizarre notion that someone who is attracted to multiple genders will inevitably miss having sex with people of the gender they’re not sleeping with, and cheat. For him, as well as for many others, his claim to bisexuality wasn’t a transitional phase or halfway point between straight and gay.
We hooked up a few times on and off, and now we've been dating for almost a year.Catch up with them a year or two later, and there ain’t a girl in sight. In some ways, I was disappointed in myself that I’d been so surprised by his bi-side.He assured me that wasn’t the case, and based on my experiences with him, I had to agree: He likes girls. I don’t know if it’s because I’m obsessed with “The L Word,” but bi was something I’d mentally assigned to girls, not guys – and especially not to guys I was seeing. Also, he sometimes wears eyeliner when he goes out. To be honest, I’d never before considered it a turn-on to picture a guy I’m into making out with another guy, but there’s just something about this one.It isn’t difficult to imagine that for some, the promise of a bit more social currency and safety could be compelling reasons to seek out an opposite-sex partner, even unconsciously.Americans have a well-documented tendency to drastically overestimate the percentage of queer folks among us.